Mending Fences
by emjac
Summary: Erin's daughter, Kara, turns to Dave after a difficult night. *** Nominated for Profiler's Choice 2015 Best Rossi/Strauss ***
1. Chapter 1

Kara slowly ascended the stairs in the government building, not looking forward to what was waiting at the top. It was nearing midnight, but she knew he would be there working, and this conversation couldn't wait. As she entered the floor, she was immediately noticed by his coworkers. They all seemed to be milling about, discussing one thing or another - all so dedicated to their jobs that the hour had probably not even dawned on them. After briefly chatting with them, she turned to notice her stepdad eyeing her. Rarely did she visit him here, never this late.

"Are you in trouble?" he asked, keeping his voice even.

"No," she quickly answered, then rethought, "maybe . . . a little,"

"Come on in," he said, gesturing his office. She heard some snickers behind her as she made her way in. His colleagues were not used to seeing him in this role.

As she made her way to the far end of the room, he observed her attire for the evening; short black dress with leggings, and tall black boots. The face that she turned towards him was heavily made up, and her blonde hair hung long and loose. She portrayed the typical college coed out for a night on the town. Her physical distance from him conveyed her unease with the matter she needed to discuss, so he wasted no time in beginning the conversation.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I was at a party tonight and someone OD'ed," she said, wasting no time herself.

"What? What were you doing at a party where someone OD'ed?" he took a couple of steps towards her.

"I wasn't doing anything wrong. I wasn't doing drugs. I wasn't even drinking. I was out with Rachel and we decided to stop by a party that she had heard about. We had just gotten there and this guy was, like, convulsing on the floor." She paused and he saw her eyes fill with tears. He waited for her to continue, knowing there was more to the story. "No one was doing anything to help him. They were all running about, trying to collect all of their drugs, or whatever, and trying to leave. I called 911."

"Good girl," he said.

"I told them where we were, and hung up without giving my name. But then I just left, too. I didn't know what else to do"

"Whose house was this party at?"

"I don't know -"

"Kara," he said sternly.

"Really, I don't know. I told you. Rachel just heard about it from someone at school. They weren't people we knew."

"So why would you go?" he didn't intend for his voice to raise as much as it did, but was so exasperated that she had put herself into this situation. He couldn't remember a time when he had been angry with her. She was a good kid, and she wasn't his, so he tended to back off on discipline.

Her voice wasn't much above a whisper, "I don't know. We just wanted to have a good time. Do you think he is dead?"

"Where is Rachel now?"

"I told her to drop me off here and then she went home. I didn't know what else to do," the tears started down her face.

"You did the right thing. Text her and make sure she got home." He went to his desk and grabbed a pad of paper and pen, and a box of Kleenex. Once she received the confirmation that Rachel had indeed arrived home safely, he handed them to her, "Write down the address." She sat on the couch, suddenly feeling like she could no longer stand, and followed his direction.

When she had finished, he took it from her and bent to kiss the top of her head. "Wait here while I take care of this and then I will take you home." Approaching the door he turned, met her eyes, and said, "I'm glad you're safe," before he left. Kara almost scoffed at the idea of going home with him and asked him to drive her back to the dorm, but then realized that the idea of going home, to her own bed, where her parents would take care of her, sounded like a good idea. She leaned back into the couch and allowed herself to cry.

It took Dave about twenty minutes to gather all of the information he needed from his technical analyst who had agreed to stay and help him. After learning the reason for Kara's visit, and ascertaining that their services were not needed, the rest of his team left the building for the night. None of them were expected back for a couple of days. Dave made his way back to his office to relay what he had found, and anticipated the long hours still ahead of him.

He paused when he opened his office door and took in the sight of his dozing daughter. She had pulled her feet up onto the couch, but did not look particularly comfortable. He closed the door quietly behind him, but the movement was enough to jar her awake. She wiped at her tear stained face with a tattered tissue, managing to smear her excessive make-up even more, and pulled herself into a sitting position. Dave sat on the coffee table directly in front of her, unsure of how she was going to react to his news, and wanting to be able to provide her with whatever comfort she may need.

He put a hand on her knee and said, "He died. He had passed before the ambulance arrived."

Fresh tears filled her eyes and she let out a long breath that she wasn't aware she had been holding.

"Maybe I could have done something . . ."

"You couldn't. You did the right thing by calling for help. But there is nothing else you could have done to save him."

They were silent for a minute as she replayed the scene in her head. "He had stopped convulsing right before we left. Do you think that is when he died?"

"I don't know, sweetheart. It's possible, I suppose, but there is no way to know that."

She had averted her eyes, but he kept his intently on hers, waiting to see her response. When she quietly said, "I'm sorry," he moved to sit next to her and put his arms around her. She accepted his comfort and curled into him. They sat in quiet, Dave allowing her time to process what had happened.

After a few minutes, she lifted herself off of him, straightened her clothes and again wiped at her face. She stole a quick glance at his shirt and was relieved to see that none of her make-up had been transferred to it. He also took this opportunity to stand and observe. Content that she was settled for the moment, he said, "Why don't you go wash your face and then I will drive you home. We can talk to your mother together."

"What? No!" she shouted, a second wind taking hold. "We don't have to tell her anything!"


	2. Chapter 2

"Kara, yes, of course we are telling her." He eyed her intently trying to determine the cause of this sudden outburst. The obvious explanation was that she was afraid of her mother's anger and disappointment for going to a stranger's house to party. Honestly, he was still a bit upset about that himself. He was sure the conversation would eventually turn to the importance of Kara being responsible and taking better care of herself, but the issue at hand was dealing with the horror that she had witnessed and helping her through that trauma. Even Kara should realize that her mother's first priority was always the safety and well-being of the children. Children whom Dave had found himself loving and worrying over as well. Perhaps Kara's tantrum was residual and misguided grief, or maybe fear, from what she had witnessed earlier. He supposed that combined with her exhaustion may be to blame, but he was unprepared for the torrent of emotions which followed. New tears - how could there be any more - flowed down her face and she was practically pacing around the office as she kept insisting that there was no way they were telling Erin. He attempted to remain calm, but she was ignoring his every plea.

"There is no reason to tell my mother. Everything is fine. Nothing bad happened!" her volume seemed to increase with each proclamation and the only way he could find to snap her out of it was to match her volume with his own. "Enough!" he said, "something bad did happen. A boy died tonight!"

She physically recoiled as if he had hit her, and sharply took in air. The yelling stopped and the sobs took over as she collapsed back down onto the couch. Dave audibly exhaled the air he had been holding and made his way over to perch before her on the coffee table once again. Still unsure as to what had caused this display, he placed both his hands on her knees and gave her a moment to calm down.

"Take some deep breaths for me, honey." She tried a few time before successfully leveling out her breathing. "Alright, now I need you to talk to me because I don't have the slightest idea what this is all about."

He waited for her to say something, but an explanation was not forthcoming. Kara decided to escape his glare by attempting to rise and move away, but he moved his grip to her arm and she stayed put. Since she was not going to make this easy for him, he was going to have to make it hard for her.

"Stop! Look at me," when she did, he continued, the sternness of his voice apparent, "I don't know what is wrong but it is late and I'm tired. You have had a terrible night and I want to get you home. So stop pulling away from me and tell my why on Earth you would want to keep this from your mother."

"She'll be upset," she said in a whisper.

"Of course, she'll be upset. This is upsetting. Are you afraid she'll be mad at you?"

Kara's eyes lifted toward the ceiling. "No," she hesitated, "I just don't want her to be upset."

With her emphasis on that last word, the truth was finally dawning on Dave, but he thought it important to push her a little on this. "Why are you worried about upsetting your mother?"

This time she managed to break away from him, and he allowed it, as she walked once again to the far end of the room. 'I don't want her to start drinking again. She's been doing really well and I don't want to do anything that will send her over the edge. Okay?"

Remaining in his seat on the table he said, "No, it's not okay. Sweetheart, what happened tonight was awful, but I don't think this is going to make her start drinking again." Kara rolled her eyes and turned from him, so he rose from his seat and continued, "You need your mother for support right now, and she would want to be there for you. Always, she wants to be there for you and your brother and sister. She loves you all so much. You are the world to her."

"Yeah, we are the world to her. Except for when she's drinking. Then the booze is the world to her." She saw the pained expression he gave her then and toned it down a bit. She didn't want to hurt him. He had been wonderful for her mother, to her and to her siblings. If she was to be completely honest with herself, she had never known her mother to be happier than she was with Dave. He cared about all of them and was genuine. She had, after all, chosen to come to him on this terrible night. She trusted him completely. And now she was repaying him by causing pain. "You weren't there. You don't know."

Dave took a deep breath and closed the distance between them. He placed his hands on her shoulders and cringed inwardly at the pain he saw in her eyes. "Alright, now you listen to me." She averted her eyes but he put a hand on her cheek and waited for them to find his again before he continued. "I wasn't there before, but I am here now. And you have my word that, God forbid, if something happens to derail your mother's sobriety I will be there for her, and for you," he emphasized that with a little shake of her cheek upon which his hand still laid. "I love your mother and I love you. That is not going to change." When he was confident that she registered his words he continued, "What is going to change, however, is your tip-toeing around your mother, fearing her relapse. She wouldn't want that, and it is not good for you. You need to lean at her, especially at times like this. Lean on both of us, OK?" Her nod was his confirmation. "Good, now go wash your face and we will leave," he kissed her forehead and released her. She obeyed and and he breathed a sigh of relief that they would finally escape this building for the night.

Kara had fallen asleep as soon as the car hit the highway, and Dave used this time to reflect on all that had happened since she had entered his building a mere two hours earlier. He worried now for both his wife and his step daughter. On the verge of adulthood, she still had much to learn. Her own father was a presence in her life, but he relocated to the west coast a few months ago, and Dave waffled on how much of the slack he should take up with the kids. Laid back as always, he had decided to wait for them to come to him. And that is exactly what Kara had done tonight; she had come to him. His responsibility was to step up his involvement, and he was prepared to do so.

Kara slid down in her seat and put her head back, closing her eyes as soon as Dave hit the highway. Sleep was her first desire, but her brain refused to allow it. Too much chaos from the night was swirling around and she needed some order to it before rest would be permitted. Feigning sleep so Dave would leave her in peace, presented as a good solution. Her thoughts first drifted towards her father, starting a new life on the west coast, without her. He still kept in contact through email, and sometimes Skype, but it wasn't the same as having him here with her. She imagined going to him with tonight's dilemma, but quickly rejected the idea. His first emotion was always anger, and it would have been directed at her for going to the party in the first place. While Dave didn't seem pleased with her choice this evening, she recognized that he was holding off on expressing those feelings to her, trying first to help her through the emotional impact of what she had witnessed. While Dave wasn't her dad, and could never replace him, she was grateful for his approach.

Then there was her mom. Dealing with the drinking had been so hard for all of them. It was kept hidden so well that when everything finally exploded, it felt exactly like that - an explosion. If Kara were to be honest with herself, she had never really dealt with the emotions that arose with this aspect of her life. She preferred to push those feelings down so far into her being that they couldn't easily be accessed by anyone. It occurred to her that Dave had done just that - put his hand into her psyche and pulled out her deepest fear - and a chuckle escaped her lips.

"You ok, sweetheart?"

"Yeah, just tired."

He pulled into their winding driveway and activated the garage door opener. "Why don't you head up to bed and we will talk to your mother in the morning." Her deep yawn confirmed to him that this was the best option.

"Okay," she said, and they exited the car together.


	3. Chapter 3

She came down the stairs the next morning, after having slept much later than usual, still dressed in her pjs. Her hair was haphazardly thrown into a bun, and her face was washed clean. She entered the kitchen and the low voices of her mother and stepfather stopped. She noticed the quick glance they shared before her mother rose and walked towards her with open arms. Anxious as to how much Dave had shared with his wife, Kara tried to steal a glance at him behind her mother's embrace. Unfortunately, he had turned to retrieve coffee for the three of them, and their eyes did not connect.

"Oh, honey, are you alright?"

"Yeah, mom, I'm fine." She sat at the counter and accepted the drink put there for her. She hugged the hot cup and felt the tension rise in her shoulders.

"Tell me what happened," her mother said, sitting next to her.

Kara stole another glance at Dave, "Didn't Dave tell you everything?" Dave's eyes quickly found hers at the mention of his name, but did not reveal anything.

"He just told me you were at a party and a boy died. Fill me in on the rest. Where were you?"

The next few minutes were filled with Kara telling her mother what had happened, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. Her mother was tough; she had been through a lot and seen a lot. Both of the adults in front of her had witnessed some of the worst that life had to offer. As she retold her story for her mother, she became increasingly self-conscious and felt immature for her emotions the previous night. Dave must think her a fool. She felt the heat move through her body and became very uncomfortable. She needed an escape and she needed it fast. It felt as if her breathing was too loud so she held it for few moments, hoping no one would hear it. Of course, this action only caused her to gasp for air in the next breath. She tried to stand but faltered, and the stool she was on kicked out behind her. Luckily, she grabbed the counter in time to catch herself from falling, but the harder she tried to control herself, the more out of control she felt. There was a sense of movement around her, and her parents' voices sounded distant. Time seemed to stand still, and move really fast all at the same time, until she felt his hands on her face. Gradually, sound started to return to normal as she focused on his strength supporting her, both physically and emotionally.

"Kara," he called, "Kara, honey look at me." She heard him clearly, but found it difficult to follow his direction. His voice became more demanding the second time the instruction was given. "Kara, look at me." Her eyes had no choice but to find his that time. "Good girl. Keep your eyes on me and breathe deeply. That's it. You're doing great. Just keep looking here. You're having a panic attack, but it will go away soon." Her breathing did start to slow and she moved her hands up to top his and did not move her line of sight. As she began to calm down, she felt his arms relax and move from holding her face to encircling her body and she melted into him for the second time in less than twelve hours.

He smoothed her hair and kissed the top of her head before passing her to the waiting arms of her mother. The motion was so seamless that Kara did not even realize it had happened until she found herself in the familiar hold of her mother. The realization of how well these two worked together crossed her mind for a moment, and then her embarrassment kicked in full force.

She pulled away from her mother, but didn't get too far as Erin wasn't quite ready to let go. "I'm sorry," she said. "I don't know what just happened."

"It was a panic attack," Erin said as Dave stepped up and handed a glass of water to Kara.

"I've never had one of those before." She was still trying to regain control. Her mother was rubbing her arm and that seemed to help ground her. She returned to her seat on the stool and tried not to gulp her water. "Why did that happen?"

"Well." Dave said. "you were telling your mother about what happened last night when it happened. Do you remember what you were thinking at that time?"

Kara remembered precisely what she was thinking, but was not ready to share that information. "I don't remember," she said while averting her eyes. The motion was not lost on either of her parents and they exchanged a look, acknowledging the lack of honesty in her answer.

Dave tried a different approach, "Kara, remember what I told you last night. You need to lean on your mother and me right now."

Erin picked up from that comment that there was much more depth to her husband and daughter's conversation the previous evening then she realized. But she let it rest for the moment. Kara remained silent, so Erin said, "Honey, talk to us. What's going on?"

"I can't," Kara stood and broke away from her mother's touch. "I need to really just not talk about any of this right now." She smiled at her mother in what she hoped was a reassuring manner and continued, "Mom, it's ok. I think I'm just going to go take a shower. I will feel better after that." She kissed her mother's cheek and retreated up the stairs.

"You know 'not talking about it' is the exact opposite of what she needs, right?'" Dave asked.

"I know. But what are we supposed to do?"

"Just be patient. She will come around."

About an hour passed before Kara came back down the stairs, and in that time she had transformed herself. Her hair was flowing down her back again and she had deftly applied a fair amount of make up. She was wearing jeans and a top with short boots, and, with her purse and phone in hand, had a "ready to go" demeanor about her.

"Where are you going?" Erin called to her from the kitchen where she was putting together some lunch.

"Shopping with Rachel. I have to meet her in half an hour at the mall."

"Oh, honey, I don't know if that's a good idea. You have been through so much, and we still haven't really talked."

"Mom, please, I'm fine," she said with a smile. "I told you what happened. There's nothing more to talk about."

"But you should rest today."

The smile now fading, "Rest? No. I've made plans and I'm going out."

"But you haven't even eaten anything."

"Mom, stop. I'll grab something at the mall and be home by dinner time. But just so you know, I have plans to go out tonight, too, so I won't be here for long."

"Kara."

"No!" she hadn't expected her volume to go up as much as it did, and knew from her mother's slight flinch at it that she was going a bit too far. She couldn't remember a time when she had raised her voice to her mother. "I'm going. Good-bye."

Kara turned to leave and froze at the sight of her step father leaning against the doorway. She hadn't realized that he had been standing there and, from the look on his face, he had heard everything. "Dinner is at 6," was his only comment, but the tone of his voice and his hard expression made it clear to Kara that she was to be home on time. After a slight hesitation, he stepped aside and she passed by him and out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

The text message had come through a couple of hours into her excursion with Rachel. Her mother was called into work, and wouldn't be home until late. She was used to this, her mother's job, and Dave's too, was very demanding. It didn't particularly bother her. They were both very accomplished in their field, and she was proud of them, even if it did take time away from her. Her mother's text also made clear that she was still expected home for dinner and Dave would be waiting for her. She wasn't particularly thrilled about spending time with him.

The rest of her afternoon was filled with shopping and talking with her friend. Rachel had been her best friend since they were both put into the same ninth grade homeroom. They lived within a mile of each other and shared everything. Rachel helped Kara when her parents divorced, and knew about her mother's alcoholism. Kara was supportive of Rachel when her father lost his job and they thought they would have to move. Since enrolling in the same college,their lives drifted slightly with their varying schedules, but they tried to spend as much time together as possible.

A good part of this day was spent talking about the previous evening. Kara was relieved to know that Rachel was just as shaken up about what had happened as she was. She had even had a nightmare about it. Not surprisingly, her parents were upset, and had convinced her not to go out as planned this evening. Kara had mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, she was glad to have an excuse not to go out and didn't have to argue about it with her mom and Dave. She wanted a quiet night and a good sleep. Every time she closed her eyes last night, she saw the boy's face and jolted awake. It wasn't until the sun rose this morning that she finally slept. But, on the other hand, spending an evening with Dave, and then later with her mother, as they both tried to get her to discuss her feelings, was not a welcoming idea. Too many feelings were buried so deep and she was afraid that once she started dealing with any negative feeling, all the rest would come tumbling out.

After parting ways with Rachel for the day, Kara slowly started the drive home. She was listening to the radio and trying to get it to distract her from her thoughts. About a mile from the house, she slowed even more when it occurred to her that perhaps Dave was angry with her. He wasn't exactly pleased when she had left the house earlier, and she didn't know what to expect. In the short time that he had been married to her mom, she had developed a nice relationship with him, she loved him and trusted him, and she always tended to behave responsibly, so there wasn't much conflict. Last night was the only time he had ever even raised his voice to her, the only time she raised her voice to him as well. And there she was thinking about last night again. She stepped on the gas and raced home. She wasn't a child. She could control her emotions and not let Dave reach them again.

Moments before entering the house, Kara whipped out her cell phone and dialed her father's number. A conversation with her dad would help to distract her for a bit. Maybe she would even fill him in on what had been going on and he could say the perfect thing to make her feel better and go back to being a normal college student. The fact that it may prolong her impending encounter with Dave was a bonus for her.

The phone started ringing as she walked across the foyer and continued as she made her way into the living room. She listened to his voice mail message and then, unable to think of the words to sum up her situation, disconnected the call.

"Wrong number?" Dave asked.

"Something like that," she said, turning towards him. "I don't think I ever noticed your habit of sneaking up on people before."

Smiling was the only acknowledgement he gave of her flip remark. "Hungry?" he asked.

"Actually, yeah, I am."

"Come on," he said, leading the way into the kitchen, "I cooked."

They entered the kitchen and sat at the counter to eat since it was only the two of them. A big plate of linguine was placed in front of her.

"Did you get your mother's text?"

"Yeah, how long do you think she'll be?"

"Probably a couple of more hours. She wants you here when she gets back."

Trying to control an eye roll that so wanted to escape, Kara said, "No problem, Rachel and I decided to cancel our plans anyway."

Dave nodded his head and they ate in silence for a few minutes, until Kara said, "Dave, if you're mad at me, maybe you could just say something and we can get that out of the way."

He took another bite to contemplate what she had said before responding, "I'm not mad at you, Kara. I'm worried about you."

"Well, don't be. I'm fine."

Dave couldn't keep his feelings to himself any longer. "You have no business going to a stranger's house in the middle of the night for the purpose of partying."

"I didn't do anything wrong. That's is what people do."

"It's too dangerous." His frustration with her lack of acknowledgement of this fact was evident in his tone and volume which he was no longer even trying to control.

"Oh my God, I'm fine. Why won't you listen to me?"

"Because it is very obvious that you are not fine."

"Really, how? Because I don't want to talk about it?"

"For one, yes. And then there is the attitude towards your mother."

She let a small laugh escape her lips, "The attitude isn't different. It's just that you are finally aware of it. The attitude has been there for awhile. I'm only now throwing it her way to avoid-"

"To avoid what?" Erin asked. Neither of them had heard her enter through the back door.

"Great!" Kara rose and moved away from the counter. "Now you are sneaking up on me, too? This is just great." her phone beeped in a text message so she grabbed it and headed for the stairs.

Erin's initial shock at what she had heard her daughter say wore off quickly and she grabbed her arm, effectively pulling her back. "You are not going to make comments like that and then walk away. Go sit back down."

Kara turned her eyes towards Dave, "Don't look at me," he said, "I'm on her side with this."

Kara weighed her options. Neither of her parents looked like they were going to let her out of the room, and while she could probably grapple with her mother, there was no way she could get away from Dave if he didn't want her to. So she sat. Her phone beeped again but her mother started in on her before she could check it.

"Now let's take this one step at a time. Why are you trying to avoid a conversation about what happened last night?"

Kara started in quickly but Erin stopped her, "Give an honest answer. No beating around the bush and no lying."

"Oh, now I'm a liar?"

"Answer the question," Dave said.

Kara took a deep breath and decided that the only way out of this was to be honest. "I'm just trying to be strong. Mom, you and Dave have seen and been through way worse stuff than that and neither of you ever crack. I feel bad about what happened to that boy. And I'm worried that I didn't do enough to save him, but I'm just trying to not let it get to me. I'm trying to be strong." The tears that covered her eyes betrayed her.

Dave started to clear the dishes out of the way and Erin approached her daughter and tried to put an arm around her. When Kara flinched away, she took the hint and kept to herself.

"Oh, honey, you're so wrong about this."

"No, mom, I'm really not."

"Listen to me," Erin said, "for starters, Dave and I feel the horrors of our job more than you know." Kara could not control the eye roll that time.

Dave took the last plate to the sink and sat at the counter with them. This was not an easy thing to explain but she needed him. "We have spent years learning how to deal with horrible things as quickly and efficiently as possible so we can get on with our jobs. Otherwise, our work would suffer and more people would be hurt. It doesn't always work, and we aren't always good at it, but you don't even have to try. You have the luxury of expressing your feelings about what you witnessed with no repercussions. No one will think less of you for falling apart a bit, certainly not your mother or I."

The tears fell down Kara's face and for the first time since last night, she didn't feel ashamed of them. She leaned into her mother and allowed herself to be comforted. Erin smoothed her hair and said, "It's ok, honey, you did everything you could to save that boy. There was nothing more that could have helped him. None of it is your fault. We are just worried that you were there to begin with. It doesn't seem like a good idea to go to a stranger's house for any reason."

They were all quiet for a moment while Kara continued to cry. When she lifted her head she said, "I know. Dave has made that point clear a couple of times now. We just went to see what was going on. I don't know why we went."

"Please be more careful. You're not sixteen anymore. I can't keep track of you like I used to. But that means you need to take better care of yourself."

Kara's silent nod satisfied Erin enough to switch topics, "So, about the attitude you're throwing my way-"

Kara stood from the counter and let out a soft, guttural noise. She was not going to talk about this. Luckily, her phone beeped again, and this time she checked it. She was still walking away from her mother, and was aware of the fact that she was being called back, but the text distracted her from all of that. Three new messages registered on her phone, all from Rachel, and each more cryptic than the previous.

"Going back to the house."

"Found something in my bag that I think belongs there."

"Did you put something in my bag?"


	5. Chapter 5

What was she talking about? She must have been referring to the house from last night, but Kara had no idea what could have been in her bag, and she certainly didn't put anything there. She sent back her own text consisting of a row of question marks, and then noticed that her mother was impatiently calling her name, "What?" she asked, matching her mother's tone.

When she looked at her mother, the exasperation was undeniable, "You aren't listening to me. Put the phone down and listen."

"Mom, I'm sorry. I can't right now. I have to go and meet Rachel. She's waiting for me." She moved to gather her keys and bag, but didn't get very far as both her parents were on high alert at this announcement.

"Stop!" Dave said and she froze in her tracks at his volume. When he had her attention, he continued, "You told me earlier that you and Rachel had cancelled your plans. What changed?"

"Where are you going, Kara?" her mother said.

"We did cancel," Kara was quite flustered, but trying not to appear so, "I guess she changed her mind, and now she is out there waiting for me. I can't leave her stranded."

"Out where waiting for you? What did that text say?" Dave said. None of this was making any sense to him.

Kara wanted to stall and think of the perfect answer, but with both of them standing in front of her, breathing down her neck, she had no time to waste. "I'm meeting her at the mall."

"Why are you lying to us?" his voice quiet and steady and that frightened her more than if he had yelled. His eyes narrowed on hers and she had to look away.

"I don't know," she said to the ceiling, feeling herself start to lose control of her emotions yet again.

"Alright, I've had enough of this. Give me the phone." She handed it over as it didn't seem that she had any other choice. He scrolled through her messages and handed it back. "Did you put something in her bag?"

"No, I don't know what she's talking about."

"Call her right now and find out where she is." Kara obeyed, but quickly found that it went right to voice mail.

"It's turned off now," she said.

Her parents went into work mode. Dave grabbed her phone back and, pulling out his own, called his technical analyst to try to get a location. Erin reached for her phone and called Rachel's house to see if her parents had any idea where she was. Erin came up empty handed, but did manage to instill fright into them, as they were not even aware that she had left the house. Dave was more successful and ascertained an address. He ordered Erin and Kara to stay put and then started out the door while phoning his team leader, and best friend, Aaron Hotchner. Kara pulled herself out of whatever trance she was in and ran after Dave, her mother close at her heels.

"No, stop, where is she?" she asked.

Not slowing his pace Dave said, "Looks like the same address from last night. Stay with your mother."

"No," Kara made her way toward Dave's car, "I'm coming with you." She reached for the door handle, but felt herself pulled back and spun around to stare into Dave's blazing eyes. It was hard to focus on anything other than the squeeze of his hand on her arm, but the anger in his voice pulled her attention to his words.

"I do not have time for this. Rachel may be in trouble, and you are staying with your mother." He released her and turned his attention to Erin, "On second thought, take her to the office and wait for me there. Fill Rachel's parents in on the situation and keep your phone on. I'll let you know when I hear something." With that, he sped away.

Kara settle into her stepfather's office once they arrived at the Bureau. Her mother was in her own office with Rachel's parents, who arrived at about the same time as they. The car ride over had mostly been in silence, with occasional reprimands from her mother about being safe and honest. Kara let her talk without contradicting her. She was too worried about her friend to argue.

The couch in Dave's office enveloped her, and she sank deeply into it. There was nothing for Kara to do but think, and that was not a welcome activity. Even her cell phone couldn't keep her company, as Dave had taken it with him. She dozed, but not fitfully, until the voices outside the door caught her attention. She heard Dave, and some other people, presumably his team, and Dave didn't sound happy.

He entered the office with two of his colleagues. The smiles and antics from when she entered the building the night before were gone. She spoke before anyone else could, "Where's Rachel?"

"We don't know. She's missing," Dave answered. Kara let in a big breath of air and stood up from the couch. "Is that the bag you had with you last night?" When she nodded, he continued, "I need you to empty it out for me."

"Why?"

"Just do it, please." She complied by turning the bag out onto his coffee table. They all spent a few moments staring at the contents and then Spencer found what they were looking for. With a gloved hand, he pulled out what appeared to be a small sticker with a skull and crossbones on it.

"I'll take this to be analyzed," he said and left the room.

"I don't know how that got there," Kara said.

"Do you know what it is?" Dave asked.

"Yes, they had them at the party last night. They were licking them. But I swear I wasn't doing it." she looked anxiously at Dave, and while it seemed obvious that she had not been completely honest with him, he believed her, and told her so.

"Who else was there last night?" he asked but was quickly cut off by Morgan, "Rossi, we agreed, man, you can't be here for this."

Dave looked like he wanted to argue, but turned back to Kara, "Ok, listen, you know I trust Morgan with my life, and yours, right?" He continued after receiving Kara's affirmation. "I want you to talk to him. Answer his questions and be completely honest I will be back later. OK?"

"Yeah, but can you check on my mom, please?"

"On my way there, " he kissed the top of her head and walked out the door.

Once he was gone, Derek gestured towards an office chair and she sat. He dragged another one to sit directly in front of her.

"Alright, now we want to find Rachel as soon as possible, so I'm going to ask you some questions about last night OK," when she nodded, he continued, "I'm pretty sure you left some information out when you first talked to Dave last night."

"Yeah, but I didn't lie to him," she said.

"Ok, you told him that when you arrived Justin was having convulsions."

She broke eye contact and looked towards the ceiling, "I guess I did lie to Dave," she said and started worrying her lip.

"Look here, Kara. Look at me. Now I promise you that no matter what happened between you and Dave, you will be able to work it out. Dave loves you and nothing will change that. But right now I need all of your energy focused on finding Rachel OK?"

"Yes," she said.

"Good, now tell me what happened last night."

And she did. She told him everything. How everyone all over campus was talking about the party for a week before and how she and Rachel had planned to go, even buying new outfits for the occasion. They had arrived at around ten and the party was just getting under way. Alcohol was everywhere and the little sticker drugs were filling bowls in the room. Rachel and Kara didn't do any drugs, but they did have a little bit of beer. Rachel a little more so than Kara, but she kept it in check since she was the one driving. There was a guy there, and she assumed it was his party. She only heard anyone refer to him as T, but he was definitely the coolest person in the room. Girls swarmed around him and Rachel, in particular, had been hanging on him for much of the night. Kara, being more insecure, and more sober, had hung back a bit, but was still enjoying the party. That is until the boy, Justin she had learned his name was, started having convulsions. The rest of the story was as she had told Dave, and she reiterated it all for Derek, up until when she showed up at the BAU.

Kara was starting to feel that warmth make its way through her body again, but tried to control it. Of course, like earlier, the more she tried to control it, the worse it got. Derek must have sensed something, as he quickly stood and found a bottle of water in the frig under Dave's desk. He handed it to her and she walked to the window and tried to calm down.

"You did great, Kara. Are you ok to wait here while I go talk to the others?"

"Yes," she said, although she wasn't entirely sure that was true.

"I'll send your mom back as soon as I can."

"Ok," she was glad she was turned from him, because the tears were starting to come again.


	6. Chapter 6

Waiting for her mother was torture. Kara knew Derek was filling the whole team in on her story, and her lies, and her behavior. She wasn't proud of any of it, but she was an adult and didn't think she should have to listen to the reprimands of anyone, least of all, her mother. Tired of crying, she tossed a tissue and walked to the window of Dave's office in hopes of determining her next move. The first thing that had to be done was locating Rachel. Her phone still not in her possession, she went to Dave's desk and picked up his landline. An outside line was obtained after dialing 9, and then she quickly entered Rachel's cell number. When the results of that were again fruitless, she tried the dorms. A brief conversation with the person who answered, told her that Rachel's presence was unknown there as well. It was when she decided to try Rachel's house, on the off chance that she had returned home and notified no one, that her mother entered the room.

"Let's go," her mother said. The scowl on her face and stiffness of her body were all Kara needed to know that she was not pleased.

"What? Where? Did they find Rachel yet?" she asked.

"No, but they're on it. We are going home and Dave will call when he knows something. Now let's go."

"NO, I'm not leaving until they find Rachel. I am staying right here. You can go if you want." She was not used to outward dissent, always having been the good girl, but if there was ever a time when it was necessary, this was it.

Her mother's voice lowered, clearly in an attempt not to be heard by the team, "Lower your voice right now! You are coming with me and you will not make a scene in front of everyone."

Obediently, Kara lowered her voice but, defiantly, she insisted, "No!"

"Go home with your mother," Dave's voice was soft and patient as he entered the room, "there is nothing more you can do here."

Kara took his lead and changed her tone as well, "I don't want to leave without Rachel. What do you know?"

"We are following up on some leads and will hopefully find her soon. Go home and try to rest. I will be there as soon as I learn something." She didn't know when she had started taking more comfort from Dave than from her mother, but if she were to allow herself to think about it, she didn't frequently take comfort from anyone. His calm, yet strong, manner was appreciated when compared against her mother's abrasiveness. Always, he made her feel safe.

"OK," she said, but he stopped her as she was leaving.

"Give me your hand," her confused expression met his cocked eyebrow, and she held it out to him. In it he placed her phone, but managed to catch her wrist in the process. Her gaze moved from the device back to him when it became apparent that he wasn't letting go. "Try that wrong number again," he said, and when her eyes flicked understanding, he released her and she left.

As Erin stormed after her middle child, Dave caught her arm as well, "Erin,'' the soothing tone of his voice when he spoke to her had always left her captivated, "you need to ease up on her. She's going through a lot right now."

"Dave, she lied to us."

"I know, but we have plenty of time to deal with that later. Look, I know you are her parent -"

"Please don't start that," she said, "I need your help and she clearly responds to you. We are both her parents."

"Ok, then just be there for her tonight. I don't know where Rachel is but she is not with a good guy. We are so lucky to have Kara here lying to us. It very easily could have been her."

The harsh, candid words struck at Erin's core and she immediately softened. "Oh, my God, you are so right. I feel terrible."

"Don't. Just go now and be a solace to your daughter, our daughter. We will work everything else out later." He kissed her lips and they parted.

Kara woke with a jolt and confusion instantly set in. She remained frozen and listened to the silence of the house as she tried to orient herself. The moment the confusion was gone she wished for its return, as her memories of the evening's events rushed back at her. Her heart was racing and she tried breathing deeply to slow it and settle herself. With that task accomplished, she set about determining what had woken her. Looking at the clock informed her that only a couple of hours of sleep had been awarded since she and her mother arrived at home. They had gone right to bed as both exhaustion and a discomfort with talking to each other took hold. Content that there was no outside reason for Kara to be awake, and now feeling restless, she decided to get up and go to the kitchen for some water.

The silence and darkness of the house was a bit unsettling, but the moonlight crept across the hardwoods on the staircase, lighting her way. She paused at Dave's study and stood in the doorway. Wishing he was home with news, she entered the room and walked towards his bookcase. Criminology books lined the shelves, and she glanced at the titles. When she came to his own, she put her hand out and ran it across the spines. He didn't know that she had read all of them. That when he was out of town and her mother was working late, she frequently found herself in her taking in the content of many of the books, not just his. No one knew that she had snuck criminal justice into this semester's coursework, or that she had already looked into getting into the academy starting next year. She twisted her lips at the realization that this was another secret she had been keeping from them. Eventually they would have to be told, but not before she was so invested in the process that turning around would seem foolish. Her mother would not like the idea of her child entering the family profession, but Kara could not keep going through life making the decisions her mother wanted her to make. She had to stand up for herself and create her own life. Frequently, she thought choosing a college so close to home was a bad idea, even if she did, technically, live at the dorms. But two years ago, when her decision was made, her mother was very unsettled, and it always seemed to fall on Kara's shoulders to smooth over the problems caused by the alcohol. It really was no surprise to anyone that Kara had chosen to stay so close to home while her older brother and younger sister moved away.

With Rachel still missing, a crime book as a bedtime story was a bad idea, so Kara curled up on the armchair by the bay window and looked out at the starry night to wait for information. As sleep snuck up on her once again, the phone in her hand beeped in a text message. The sound and vibration caused Kara to jump and she fumbled for a moment before reading the name of the sender: Rachel. On high alert, Kara clicked the message open and read the address of the house from last night. No other message was sent, but Kara wasted no time. She ran from the room, to the back door where a pair of sneakers and her keys were waiting. Her mother would argue if she knew what Kara was planning, and there was no time for that. There was no time for anything, so she turned the doorknob and slipped out into the night.

Her initial instinct was to phone Dave on her way to the house, knowing she was too far into her endeavor to be told to turn around, but even that would have taken too long. All of her energy and focus was on reaching Rachel. Arriving at the address, she threw the car into park and raced up the walk to the house. It was when she was at the top of the stairs that the moment of clarity came. The moment when she realized that she had no plan and this was, in fact, a very bad idea. Her suddenly shaky hands scrabbled with the phone as she attempted to forward Rachel's text to Dave. She almost had enough time. She almost managed to send it off before the door flew opened and one hand pulled her inside while another trained the gun on her head.

Time froze for Kara. The swirls of motion and muddled auditory confusion engulfed her. The entire universe shrunk to her and the gun, now pointing straight at her face. There were things, as a witness, as a victim, that she should be focusing on. Things that would be asked of her in the future. She had read enough to know attention needed to be paid to the facts, eye color, hair color, distinguishing characteristics, even if the gun holder was male or female. But she was not sure if there would be a future. She was not even sure if there was a past. Nothing was known outside of the fact that there was a gun staring into her face. The moment lasted an eternity as thoughts wandered to her family. Her father, who she never tried to call back, her siblings, she loved them so much. Time should be spent with them. More time was needed. Her mother, with whom her relationship was broken. Broken. Broken.

"What are you doing? Her father's a Fed! Her father's a Fed!" the disembodied voice was screaming in her head. Her father was a Fed. Her father was a Fed? Wait. Something was wrong. Was her father a Fed? No, he was not. Her father was a lawyer. Why was someone yelling this? Keeping still, she moved her eyes towards the direction of the voice which was no longer in her head. It was coming from the far end of the room, behind the form holding the gun. Concentrating, her mind allowed the voice to visually focus. A familiar face held a look of horror and the yelling continued. Kara knew that boy. He sat next to her in her criminology class. Piercing noises that she could not place were tearing through her head. They let criminals in criminology classes?

The gun moved from her face and she felt a mere moment when the fear subsided before it returned with a vengeance as a vice like grip was placed on her arm and a force pulled her back and slammed her into the body holding her. Quickly the gun was placed against her temple and she heard a clicking noise. Her eyes closed and she waited.

A snake's voice whispered in her ear, "A Fed, huh? This is just too perfect."

The sensation of the snake's breath on her ear annoyed her and she wanted to tell him that her father was a lawyer, but she could not rid herself of that creepy tickle.

A loud bang shook the house and a familiar voice yelled, "FBI! Drop your weapon!" David! The whole world came back into focus and Kara opened her eyes.

His whole team was there with guns drawn and, as she became more alert, she realized that there were several people pointing guns at the team. And her. She was frantically looking around in an attempt to make sense of the situation, but then heard her name being called. Her eyes found the source of the voice and locked on Dave.

"Good job, Kara. Keep our eyes on me."

There was so much shouting and commotion and her brain was still jumbled, so she reverted to glancing around the room.

"No, Kara," Dave shouted, "eyes here! That's it. Keep your eyes here and listen to my voice."

To say that Kara relaxed would of course be untrue in this situation, but she settled a little at Dave's command and was able to shift her focus to him.

"You're doing great, Kara. You trust me, now, right?" She was too afraid to nod, but he didn't need an affirmation. It was said more as a reminder.

The chaos of the room only increased as his team crept in and spoke to Kara's assailant. All of Kara's energy was spent on listening to Dave and trying to remain still while being dragged about.

"Do you know where you are supposed to be right now?" Dave asked. Really? He was going to scold her now? That was nonsensical to Kara so she worked harder at listening to him. "I think you need to go there." He couldn't possibly mean that. Kara managed to shake her head ever so slightly. "Yes, honey. You can do this. Are you ready?"

Dave watched Kara take in as much air as the arm around her would afford, and then he screamed, "Now!'


	7. Chapter 7

**AN - I don't know if this is kosher, but I am regretting ending that last chapter where I did, so am put this short chapter in here. Maybe it will make more sense.**

 **This is my first contribution to ff and I am loving the process. Thank you for all of your feedback. I only, of course, own Kara.**

Kara twisted and threw herself to the left and then the room exploded in gunfire. The arm fell away from her and she ran. She ran faster than she even knew she could, out the door, down the stairs, and across the yard until two powerful arms grabbed her. Kara struggle but the arms would not relent. They held her tightly and pulled her backward, and when Kara heard Dave's voice, she allowed all of the strength to leave her body and was guided to the ground.

"It's over, sweetheart. You're safe. You did great. Everything's going to be ok now," the platitudes continued as she cried.

Wanting to feel the comfort surrounding her, Kara thoughts quickly moved to her friend, "Rachel," she tried to get up, but that was not going to be allowed.

"We'll wait here. Someone will come tell us soon," and he continued to calm her.

As predicted, Hotchner approached them mere moments later, "We have Rachel. She's going to be fine." Taking in the scene in front of him he added, "What can I do?"

"Call Erin Tell her to meet us at the hospital," he said, and Aaron turned and walked away, mission at hand.

"What? No, I don't need to go to the hospital," Kara tried to keep the hysterics at bay, figuring they would do her no favors now, and noticed an EMT approaching.

"We're just going to take you in to get checked out. It won't take long," he stood and allowed room for the medic.

"But I wasn't hurt."

"It's not a suggestion, kiddo."

Her level of annoyance was slinking up, but somewhere deep inside of her, she was relieved that someone else was making decisions.

"Besides," he said, "Rachel will be there," and he helped her up.

She laid on the stretcher in the ER feigning sleep while listening to her parents talk. Guilt from eavesdropping was not overcoming her, as she didn't think she could open her eyes if she tried.

"She's fine, Erin. Some bruises and exhaustion. They will release her soon and then you can take her home and tuck her in."

"What about Rachel?" her mother's voice was strained and Kara could sense the tension dripping from her body.

"Rachel will be ok. They're keeping her overnight, at least, to get the drugs to work through her system. Then she will be fine."

"How did you get to them so fast?"

"Those boys weren't very smart. We figured they would end up back at the house, and were trying to get the locals to sit on it for us. Of course, Rachel had been missing for only a few hours and they didn't really like our involvement at all. We were on our way back when Rachel's text went out and Garcia had been monitoring it. I just can't figure out how Kara got there first."

"Simple, she has her mother's determination," Erin said with a grin.

David smirked, "Not always a good thing."

"Why would Rachel do this?" Erin asked, serious again.

"I don't know, but we can let her parents worry about that."

"What are we going to do about this one?" Kara felt her mother's hand rub her calf and she felt the warmth of her mother's love.

"Oh, we can take care of her. She'll be fine. We do need to all sit down and talk, though. This time without cell phones around."

"Maybe after everyone sleeps," Erin said.

"Let me go see about getting her out of here. Why don't you get her up and ready," he kissed them both and left the room.

Erin leaned close to her daughter, "I love you, Kara. To the moon and back."


	8. Chapter 8

Sleep came quickly for Kara, but refused to stay. The nightmares did a good job of keeping it at bay. She wandered the house in the late night hours and followed a light that led to David's study. She stood in the doorway for a moment watching him work before he sensed her and looked up.

"Hi," he said, putting his fancy pen down, closing his file, and leaning back. "Nightmares?"

She nodded, and changed the subject, "What's your excuse?"

"Paperwork. I brought it home so I could stay with you and your mother, but it needs to be done by morning."

"Is that file about what happened tonight?"

"Yes."

"Is he dead?'

"Yes."

"Did you kill him?"

"No. I ran after you."

When she didn't press further, he asked, "Anything else you want to know?"

"Not at this time. Is my mother sleeping?" she made her way to the corner chair which was fast becoming her favorite, and pulled the throw blanket around her.

He swiveled towards her, "Yes. How are you feeling?"

"Numb," she appreciated the physical distance he kept.

"Talking about it may help."

"There's really nothing to talk about. There was a gun in my face. I don't remember anything else and I can't stop seeing it."

"Time does make things easier. You know, your mother's going to want to keep you close for a while."

"That's ok," she said, "I don't feel much like going anywhere."

"Give it time, Kara," he reiterated.

"Do you think my mom's ok?" she asked, biting on her lip and looking up at him.

"I do. Although you have an interesting way of helping her remain stress free."

"Hey, in my defense, I tried to keep it all from her."

"By lying? That's your best defense?" he was clearly irritated.

"Sometimes it's ok to lie."

"Really? I think you know better than that."

Kara's voice rose a bit, "Don't you lie on your job, like, all the time."

He narrowed his eyes on her, "To bad people. Not to people I love. If you don't want to upset your mother then behave. But if you don't, at least have the decency to tell her, us, the truth. She deserves that. We both do."

Kara pulled her legs in closer and looked down at her hands as they scratched at the corner of the blanket. She didn't know how to explain that, with her mother's alcoholism, all of the rules were broken and she had yet to get order back into her life.

"It sometimes feels like I don't know right from wrong," she said, still looking at her hands.

Softening a bit, "You do know right from wrong. But if you ever feel confused about it, come find me. Kara," he waited until she looked at him, "and if you ever can't tell something to your mother, talk to me. We'll figure it out together."

Kara would have preferred to stay and sleep on the chair, but if David was to be honest, he didn't trust her alone with those files at this moment. He guided her back to her room and then entered his own.

The tension in the air was palpable, but he slid between the sheets and reached for his wife before confronting her. "You heard all that."

"I really screwed her up, didn't I?"

He turned and enveloped her. "You pulled the rug out from under her, but she'll get her bearings again."

"I've been sober for a while now. I would have expected this kind of reaction sooner."

Dave closed his eyes as sleep was overcoming him. "She is comfortable now. She's beginning to trust your sobriety and that scares her."

"And she trusts you, and you make her safe." Erin snuggled closer to him.

"There you go," he yawned, "we're both fabulous. We'll pull her through."

"I love you, David."

His hold on her tightened. "I love you, too. Now go to sleep." When he felt her even breathing, he succumbed as well.

It was noon the next day before Erin heard the stirrings of her daughter come from the floor above. She made another cup of coffee and re-wiped all of the counters while she waited for her to descend the stairs. She was awarded a few minutes later by a clean faced girl with a ponytail and jeans.

"Hi, sweetheart," she said, "I made you some coffee."

"Thanks," Kara said. "Where's David?"

Erin cringed at Kara's seeming to prefer him to her right now. "He went to work. He'll be back later."

Kara braced herself on the counter and slid onto the stool.

"Are you in pain?" Erin asked.

"Just a little sore."

"Let's move to the sofa. You'll be more comfortable." They situated themselves in the living room and, once Erin had ascertained that Kara didn't want food or pain killers, she tried to engage her in small talk.

"Mom, can we skip this? I know you're mad. Just get to that."

"I'd rather not be mad at you when you're sick, Kara," Erin said.

"I'm not sick. I have some bruises. And it you're going to tip-toe around me until they heal you will drive me crazy. Just say whatever you have to say."

There was only so much disrespect Erin was willing to tolerate from her children, and she felt the heat of her anger begin to rise. She wished David was there to help her navigate this conversation correctly, but maybe it was better that he wasn't. Maybe it was time for Erin to rely on her instincts where her parenting was concerned. She had been such a confident mother when her children were young. Life had been a perfect balance between her work and her family, and she ruled both places flawlessly. The alcohol had destroyed her children's faith in her, Kara's especially, and getting that back had proven near impossible. Conversely, it was never difficult for her to trust herself at work, and she would not let anyone there talk to her with the tone Kara was using.

"Honestly, Kara, where would I even begin?" he voice rose, "With your incredibly poor decision making skills? Your sneaking around? Your lying? Your drinking . . .'

Kara jumped up from the couch at that point, trying to ignore the pain that it caused her, "Oh, no! You will not discuss my drinking!"

Erin stood as well, "We most certainly will discuss that. Do you have any idea how it felt when Agent Morgan told me you had been drinking?"

"Yep! Pretty sure I know."

Getting into a shouting match with Kara was not going to help matters at all, and while the urge to slap her daughter was strong, Erin had the wherewithal to know that would only make the situation worse. So she tried switching tactics.

Lowering her voice and sitting back down, Erin said, "Well, then why don't you tell me."

If her intention was to knock her daughter off her game, she succeeded. Kara startled and said, "What?"

"Yes, you heard me, tell me. What is it like to know that someone you love has been drinking when they shouldn't be?"

The warmth started at Kara's feet and began to rise. Her breathing became uneven and her ability to control it was slipping away. She knew what was coming and did not need an audience for it. Without further word to her mother, Kara turned and walked out of the room. She grabbed her things from the kitchen and left the house.


	9. Chapter 9

Kara drove aimlessly for a bit trying to process everything that had happened over the past couple of days and all the feelings that went with it. She was always so much happier when the feelings were buried, but they kept popping into the forefront of her mind, and she couldn't make them go away. Eventually, she found herself parked outside of her dormitory. She entered her room, which thankfully was a single, and tossed her keys and bag on her desk. She took a deep, hopefully relaxing breath, and threw herself across the bed.

Being a Sunday, the whole building was eerily quiet. People were either home for the weekend, or sleeping off the parties from the previous nights. Kara wasn't really the partying type. She never felt as comfortable at them as Rachel did, and tended to fade into the background. Perhaps that explains why Rachel had found more trouble than she had last night. She sat up and grabbed her phone to call Rachel, and when it went to voicemail, she hung up. A few seconds later, a text beeped in saying she was still at the hospital and would call her when she was up to it. Tears started down Kara's face at reading this. She almost lost her best friend last night, and right now she felt like she was about to lose her again. She had no idea how to be a comfort to her friend in this situation.

Still holding her phone, Kara started call her father again. She was hurt that she hadn't heard from him in so long, especially since he must have received the missed call from her the other day. Her fingers stopped themselves before allowing the call to connect, and she flung the phone onto her bed. He could call her. She could wait him out. She fell back onto her pillow and closed her eyes in hopes of escaping all of her problems. But the gun was still there, staring her in the face, only now it was accompanied by the snake voice. She could not escape it and sat bolt upright.

In further attempt at distracting herself from her problems, Kara walked to her desk and began rummaging through her papers and school work. She had classes tomorrow and had not looked at any of it in days. There was reading that needed to be done for her English class tomorrow, and a paper for Psychology due in three days. Organizing her work, she came upon her Criminology text. She had forgotten all about it. But now she remembered. She remembered the yelling boy who she recognized from this class. She remembered him telling the snake that her parents were in the FBI and he should leave her alone. How did he know that? She had never mentioned it in class, but he knew. He must have been trying to save her. What had happened to him? Oh, God, she thought, what had happened to him?

The panic attack gave no warning this time. There was no creeping warmth or slowed breathing. There was only heat and no air. She had read about the three human responses to fear: freeze, fight, or flight, for one of her classes, probably the Psychology, and her brain chose flight. She worked on autopilot, packing all of her school books into her backpack, and grabbing the large duffle bag from under her bed. She threw clothes, shoes, make-up, her favorite stuffed cat from when she was little, and a picture of her with her siblings into the bag. With one last glance around the room for anything of import that she may have forgotten, she left.

She prayed all the way home. She prayed that she wouldn't get into a horrific accident due to the excessive speed at which she was driving. She prayed that she wouldn't get pulled over by the police, again, for the excessive speed. And she prayed that David would be there when she arrived. He was the only one who could help her now.

After having made the trip in record time, Kara burst through the front door and immediately called his name, while racing for the kitchen where she figured he would be. She found her mother instead, "Kara, what's wrong?" From her mother's expression, she must have looked as awful as she felt.

"Where's Dave?"

"I'm here, sweetheart. What's wrong?" he had heard her the instant she walked in the house from the back deck where he had been grilling dinner and enjoying a cigar.

Kara ran to him, "Thank God you're here," she said, but then no further words could get out as it was difficult to just take in air.

Like before, her put both hands on her face and spoke quietly, yet insistently, for her to slow her breathing. She tried to shake her head at him, but the force of his hands wouldn't allow it. "Take it easy, Kara, it's just a panic attack. Just like before. Focus on me and breath slowly."

"No," she sputtered out, " it's not like before."

"It is. It seems worse, but it's still just a panic attack and it's almost over. Breathe with me." They breathed together for a few moments, which felt like a lifetime to Kara, and then she collapsed onto him. With her final big intake of air, she took comfort from the cigar essence he was emitting, and started to relax. Quickly coming to her senses, she pulled back a bit.

"I have to talk to you."

"OK, well, I'm right here. So let's talk. Come out onto the deck before dinner burns."

Erin came up behind her daughter, put her arm around her, and kissed the top of her head. She felt powerless when Kara had the panic attacks and made a mental note to research them more so she could help when David wasn't around.

Erin guided Kara to the deck, and they arrived while Dave was flipping the last of the steaks. He lowered the heat and joined his wife and stepdaughter at the table, taking the seat adjacent to Kara. Unsure of where this conversation would be heading, he wanted to remain close. After all, she was developing a penchant for running when things became difficult.

"What's on your mind, Kara?" he asked.

"There was a boy there last night," she felt her mother holding her hand and it helped to ground her.

"There were a few boys there last night. Who do you mean? T? The one who had you?"

he asked.

"No," her eyes narrowed on him, "that was T? From the party the other night?"

His head tilted slightly, "Yes, sweetheart. You didn't know that?"

"All I saw was the gun," she felt her mother squeeze her hand and was sorry that she had to go through this. "But, no, there was another boy. He was yelling before you got there. I know him from one of my classes. I think he may have been trying to help me."

"Kara," her mother said, "none of this information was in the statement you gave."

She turned to face her mother, "I gave a statement?"

Erin shared a panicked look with Dave before looking back at her daughter, "Yes, honey, you gave a statement to an officer when you arrived at the emergency room. You don't remember that?"

"No," her voice faltered.

"You were probably still in shock. You didn't give very clear details as to what happened."

"It is still kind of a blur."

"It's ok," David said, "it will come back to you. Now what is it about this boy?"

"Was he killed?"

He reached out and put a hand on her knee. "The only one who was shot was T who had the gun on you. He was very high on LSD, and after you got away, he came at my team. No one else was hurt. The other boys were charged with various crimes, probably processed and released. There was another girl besides Rachel who was brought to the hospital."

"Do you think I am safe?"

"I know you are," he said.

"Is there someone following me?" Sometime her parents had felt it necessary to have a professional watch her and her siblings. It was usually something they were all completely unaware of, until after the fact. The idea did not usually appeal to Kara, but right now, with her feeling so jumpy, she would welcome the notion.

"Someone is close. There is nothing for you to worry about." When no further response came from Kara, he added, "Are you good for now?" She nodded her head and he jumped up, "Good, I have to get my steaks before they dry out. Can you help your mother get stuff from the kitchen?"

Without another word, Erin and Kara moved about the kitchen gathering the things they needed and returned to the deck to set them out. As they were all getting ready to sit, Kara spoke, "Mom," her mother looked up at her, "I'm sorry that I walked out on you earlier. I know that's not how we usually do things."

A smile spread across Erin's lips, "Thank you, sweetie," and she gave her a kiss. "We will talk more after dinner."

"Oh, nobody is leaving this table until we talk," Dave said, "but right now my steaks are waiting so let's eat!"


	10. Chapter 10

Dinner was delicious. Say what you will about David Rossi, but the man can cook! Kara ate about half of her meal and listened to her parents talk about work, and people they knew, and people they didn't know. It sounded like a typical family on a typical night, but as the time passed, she became jittery with anticipation of this conversation they were supposed to be having.

"Have you had enough, honey?" Erin asked when she saw her daughter jostling food around her plate.

"Yeah. It was good though. But I'm kind of tired. Maybe we can all talk more tomorrow," she said as she pushed her chair out and began to rise.

"Not a chance, kiddo." Dave said "Sit. I'll bring the dishes out," and he gathered some and exited.

She sat forward in her seat and fidgeted with her napkin, avoiding her mother's eyes at all cost. Luckily, her mother started, "Are you still sore?"

"Yes."

"You probably will be for a little bit. Did you go to your dorm today?"

"Yes."

"Were you able to sleep?"

"No."

"Are you only going to give me one word answers?"

"Are you only going to ask me one word questions?" That certainly got her mother's attention, which Kara found unfortunate as it was attention that she did not want. Sometimes she couldn't help herself.

"Fair enough. What is it that you are not telling me?"

While she had walked herself right into that one, she was surprised by her mother's directness. She looked up and saw the fierce expression in her eyes, and then looked back down again. Her mother could be intimidating when she wanted to. "I'm pretty sure you're up to speed on everything."

"I'm sorry about how my alcoholism has affected you."

Kara wasn't expecting that and a small laugh escaped her lips. "Oh, no!" she said, now meeting her mother's eyes directly, "We will not be discussing your drinking, and we will certainly not be discussing mine."

"Oh, yes, we will!" Dave's voice boomed from behind her, and she jumped as he rounded the table to stand before her. She didn't know when Dave had rejoined them, but from the look on his face it was probably about two smart-ass comments ago. "We are absolutely going to discuss _your_ drinking." She did not want to look in his eyes, but was compelled to, and a pit formed in her stomach. His voice was stern and loud and scary. "You are twenty years old. It is illegal for you to drink alcohol, and you will not drink it again. When you are twenty-one, you can make your own decision, but until then we are making it. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes," it came out as a whisper and she looked away from him.

"Kara," his voice was still loud, and still insistent and it made her jump again. When her eyes again met his he continued, "I am not kidding about this."

"I know. I get it," she said. She swiped at a tear that was betraying her.

"We are just worried for you, Kara," her mother said.

"I know, mom, I know you are worried about me, but I don't know what to say. I am trying to be ok."

A chill permeated the air as the sun started to go down, and Kara pulled her legs up underneath her and wrapped her arms around her body. She tried to make herself as small as she could and the effect was not lost on anyone.

"Maybe we should go back to that therapist we were seeing when I first came home from treatment."

"No." Kara said, "I'm not doing that again."

"Think about it, Kara. She could help you deal with your feeling towards me, but also with this trauma, and the anxiety."

When Kara didn't respond, Dave said, "Talk to us, Kara."

She leaned back in her chair and tilted her head towards the night sky, hopeful that she could prevent gravity from causing her tears to fall. Her words were hurried and her volume increased with each statement. "I can't wrap my head around what has happened. My best friend took LSD and now won't talk to me. All I remember about last night is a gun that was in my face. Someone put a gun in my face! There is a snake voice that I keep hearing in my ear. I don't know why I am having anxiety attacks. I don't know how to stop them. I hate them and they scare me. And most of all, mom, I am so afraid that you are going to start drinking again."

Somewhere in the midst of this declaration, Kara's tears dried up, and her mother's started flowing. "Oh, Kara, come here." Erin stood from her chair and took her daughter's hand. leading her up and into a hug. "I am so, so sorry that you are going through all of this. I never wanted any of this for you."

"I know, mom. It's not your fault." Kara's voice had softened.

"Well, yes, some of it is," Erin said. She held her daughter tightly for a few moments, and then wiped at her own tear soaked face.

"Ok, ladies, sit back down. We need a plan," Dave said.

Kara returned to her seat and felt strangely calm. It was a relief to say everything she had said, and for the first time in days, someone else was in charge of everything. Actually, for the first time since her mother's drinking began, years ago, someone else was in charge. The urge to resist Dave's control never even entered her conscientiousness, she craved it.

She was surprised, however, when it was Erin who began, "I think, for starters, you should move home from the dorm for the rest of the semester."

Now Erin's control she would have liked to resist, if it hadn't been in such agreement with her own plan. "About half of my dorm room is already in the trunk of my car," she said, which elicited smiles all around the table. They were making progress. "But I don't think I can go back to classes just yet."

Dave jumped in, "You need to get back to your regular routine. Staying home and dwelling on things will only make the anxiety worse." When she gave him a skeptical look, he added, "Trust me on this one. Your mother and I have both been where you are." A glance at her mother's affirming expression convinced her.

"Ok. I'll try. But I'm taking a criminology course, you know." She might as well come clean about everything.

"What?" Erin asked, her panic rising. "Why?"

"I was thinking of joining the academy next fall."

"Oh, dear God!" This about hit Erin's limit.

Dave quickly interceded before this firestorm exploded. "Ok, wait," he put a hand on his wife's arm to settle her and looked intently at his stepdaughter. "Finish your Bachelor's degree first. You're not going anywhere without a degree. Then we can talk."

"Probably a good idea," Kara said.

Erin said, "Definitely a good idea. How long have you been thinking about this for?"

"I don't know. A while."

Turning to her husband, "And why don't you seem surprised?"

Sheepishly he said, "I'm a profiler." When that got him a dirty look he added, "What? She's always in my study reading my books." A dirty look then came from Kara and he said, "You thought you were keeping that a secret?" She smiled at him.

Erin stood from the table and tossed her napkin down, "I can't take it. The two of you are going to be the death of me! Let's all get through this week. Then we can see how you're doing, Kara, and maybe talk again about seeing a therapist. I'm going to start the dishes." She kissed her husband and daughter, who were laughing good-naturedly at her, and went into the house.

Alone with David, Kara's eyes again fell to her lap.

"You ok?" he asked.

"Yeah, I think maybe I will be."

"Remember," he reached out for her hand and waited for her to give it. "I'm here for you. Always."

She looked at him for a moment and saw the sincerity, "I know."


End file.
